• Illinois LGBT Community Wins Hospital Visits!

    Nearly lost in the hoopla over that small Egyptian event is the fact that the gays have a big reason to party in Illinois!

    Governor Pat Quinn on Monday made Illinois the 16th U.S. state to give spousal rights to same-sex couples by signing into law a measure allowing civil unions.

    Both houses of the Illinois legislature narrowly passed the measure that takes effect in July, though it does not alter a state law that limits marriage to a man and a woman.

    Alright, it ain’t full marriage, but still! Gays and lesbians will get all sort of new rights regarding stuff like “hospital visitation, making health-care decisions, and matters concerning probate of a partner's estate.”

    Congratulations to Illinois gays, and here are our suggestions for a few Illinois-appropriate civil union receptions/parties…

    1. Served bootlegged liquor at your reception. Guests dressed as Al Capone get an open bar; everybody else has to pay twice as much or risk getting his/her knees broken.

    2. Ask One True Mayor-for-Life Rahm Emanuel to perform your ceremony. Sure, he just barely sneaked onto the ballot and he hasn't actually been elected yet, but when has that stopped any powerful Chicago politician from getting things done? As a bonus, you'll have the pleasure of hearing your officiant say, "Do you, [insert your name], take this mutha#$%@!r to be your civilly-wedded husband? YOU F&%^ing better say yes, you son of a bitch!"

    3. Make Rod Blagojevich a bridesmaid. Seriously, that guy will do anything these days. Have you seen his pistachio commercial?

    Tags: Chicago, Illinois, LGBT, Marriage Equality, Rahm Emanuel, Rod Blagojevich


About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.