The Onion: Marauding Gay Hordes Drag Thousands of Helpless Citizens from Marriages After Obama Drops Defense of Marriage Act
The day they always warned us about has finally arrived…
Reports continue to pour in from around the nation today of helpless Americans being forcibly taken from their marital unions after President Obama dropped the Defense of Marriage Act earlier this week, leaving the institution completely vulnerable to roving bands of homosexuals.
"It was just awful — they smashed through our living room window, one of them said 'I've had my eye on you, Roger,' and then they dragged my husband off kicking and screaming," said Cleveland-area homemaker Rita Ellington, one of the latest victims whose defenseless marriage was overrun by the hordes of battle-ready gays that had been clambering at the gates of matrimony since the DOMA went into effect in 1996.
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Tags: Barack Obama, DOMA, LGBT, Marriage Equality, Onion Sportsdome, The Onion