For Newt Gingrich so loved his country, that he shoved his penis into every slot that came within a cubic yard of it…
Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, who is in the early stages of a presidential campaign, spoke in an interview with David Brody of the Christian Broadcasting Network about his history of adultery and divorces. And as Gingrich told it, he sought God's forgiveness — and as for the events themselves, they were driven by how hard he was working and his great passion for America.
"There's no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate," said Gingrich.
Wow! That is ingenious! I have a feeling we're gonna be seeing a lot more of the Gingrich Defense in days to come…
Plaintiff: I'm really sorry that I beat up that old lady and stole her purse and used the money in it to buy a bunch of crack cocaine that I smoked which caused me to freak out and punch that crossing guard in the throat. It's just that I really love America.
Judge: Good enough for me. Case closed!
Tags: Newt Gingrich, Primaries, Republicans