• The Onion: Wealthy Swiss Tourist Offers U.S. Government $87 Billion to Buy Indiana's Populace for Just One Night

    The Onion reports on a particularly interesting offer

    Sources on Capitol Hill have confirmed that visiting Swiss banker Maximilian Krieger met privately with President Barack Obama and congressional leaders Friday, offering the U.S. government the equivalent of $87.3 billion for one night with the entire population of Indiana…

    "Let me be frank: You have something I want, and I, in turn, have something you want," said the debonair Krieger, according to an Oval Office staffer who was briefed on the meeting. "Of course, I'd be most delighted to assist you in any, how shall we say, pecuniary matters? All I ask in return is 12 hours alone with that lovely Indiana of yours."…

    According to Krieger, limousines will be dispatched to escort every Indiana resident, all of whom will be treated to an elegant evening of dinner, dancing, and champagne. Krieger stated that he and Indiana's citizenry would then retire back to his private suite to "enjoy the pleasures of one another's company."

    From everything I know about Indiana, I'd guess that they'd be into this. Maybe a little too into it, if you know what I mean.Have you seen the way its vast stalks of corn undulate seductively in the wind? Ugh!

    I'd feel a little more safe about this if it were Missouri we were talking about. That state has its knees permanently bolted together.


    Tags: Barack Obama, House of Representatives, Indiana, Money, Sex, Switzerland, The Onion

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