• Chuck Schumer Discovers How Phones Work

    Did you know that when you talk with your mouth near a telephonic device that is on, people on the other side of that telephonic thingee can hear the words you're saying?

    Crazy, right?

    Moments before a conference call with reporters was scheduled to get underway on Tuesday morning, Charles E. Schumer of New York, the No. 3 Democrat in the Senate, apparently unaware that many of the reporters were already on the line, began to instruct his fellow senators on how to talk to reporters about the contentious budget process.

    After thanking his colleagues… for doing the budget bidding for the Senate Democrats, who are facing off against the House Republicans over how to cut spending for the rest of the fiscal year, Mr. Schumer told them to portray John A. Boehner of Ohio, the speaker of the House, as painted into a box by the Tea Party, and to decry the spending cuts that he wants as extreme. “I always use the word extreme,” Mr. Schumer said. “That is what the caucus instructed me to use this week.”

    A minute or two into the talking-points tutorial, though, someone apparently figured out that reporters were listening, and silence fell.

    Ugh! It's so painful to watch Democrats trying to scheme. It's like watching your drunk, middle-aged, recently-divorced uncle hitting on a teenage girl at a cousin's wedding. You know it's not going to end well, but you can't bring yourself to look away from the carnage.

    You know what would be a good way to stimulate the economy? Let's hire people to just follow the Democrats around all day with a sound system playing Yakety Sax. It would make them easier to watch at any rate.

    Tags: Chuck Schumer, Democrats, John Boehner, Senate, Tea Party


About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.