From the Pork Barrel: A Nation Weeps

* Glenn Beck officially breaks the awful news and informs a heart-broken nation he never really wanted that stupid show anyway.

* Teenage unmarried pregnancy is really paying well these days. In my day, it used to net a little under a grand on the black market.

* Julianne Moore was Hillary Clinton before she was Sarah Palin. Wake me up when she plays Dennis Kucinich.

* Michele Bachmann reveals that she is too not-stupid-enough to lead country.

* John Boehner only cries a little over government shutdown.

Tags: Abstinence, Bristol Palin, Fox, Glenn Beck, Hillary Clinton, House of Representatives, John Boehner, Julianne Moore, Pork Barrel, Sarah Palin