* Glenn Beck officially breaks the awful news and informs a heart-broken nation he never really wanted that stupid show anyway.
* Teenage unmarried pregnancy is really paying well these days. In my day, it used to net a little under a grand on the black market.
* Michele Bachmann reveals that she is too not-stupid-enough to lead country.
* John Boehner only cries a little over government shutdown.
Tags: Abstinence, Bristol Palin, Fox, Glenn Beck, Hillary Clinton, House of Representatives, John Boehner, Julianne Moore, Pork Barrel, Sarah Palin