Tworld News: Week of May 2, 2011

Some say Twitter was originally called 'The website for immediate, brief, sometimes-funny news updates' until Justin Timberlake told them to drop the 'The'.

Even a terrorist mastermind like Osama couldn't have seen through this rouse: Just type in your home address and phone number and instantly receive 1000 free trial minutes of AOL. Too good to be true,  too sweet to resist…

Listen Ron Paul, having two conventional first names does not add up to equal one Mitt or Barack. Or even a Donald for that matter.

Obama fell right into the Donald's Catch 22 — conceal his birth certificate, be accused of being a foreigner, disclose his birth certificate, be accused of being a mere mortal.

Centuries later, British people still talk with funny accents and do other precious things. Despite the fact that we kicked their stupid tea-lovin' asses! REV WAR FTW!! REDCOATS = DEADCOATS!!11!!1

You can't actually trust the 'expiration date' they're putting on the revamped threat levels; you'll just have to smell the terrorists to know if they're gonna attack.

As scary as it may be that Apple tracks your every move via the iPhone, it's also oddly comforting in that 'if you have a stalker, at least you know someone loves you' sort of way.

Stay hilariously informed all week long — follow @TheIndecider

Tags: Birthers, Homeland Security, Osama bin Laden, Ron Paul, Royalty, Tworld News