• Make-Believe Presidential Candidate Not Actually Running for President After All

    Reality TV star (and part-time businessperson) Donald Trump has just shocked the world by announcing that his extended media campaign for NBC's Celebrity Apprentice was little more than an extended media campaign for NBC's Celebrity Apprentice.

    Well, that was the just barely beneath the text subtext* of his announcement

    "After considerable deliberation and reflection, I have decided not to pursue the office of the Presidency," Trump said in the statement.

    The famously confident reality television star, who has spent the last few months openly considering a run for president said, "I maintain the strong conviction that if I were to run, I would be able to win the primary and ultimately, the general election."

    Clearly. Clearly! God forbid anybody think this decision has anything to do with the fact that his candidacy was widely considered a joke. Much better that it be remembered as a race-baiting manipulation of the country's basest instincts. I mean, the guy's got an ego to maintain.

    One thing that's really sad, though, is that with Donald Trump out of the race, who will provide us with the Donald Trumpisms we've come to rely on?

    "I make you this promise: that I will continue to voice my opinions loudly and help to shape our politician's thoughts. My ability to bring important economic and foreign policy issues to the forefront of the national dialogue is perhaps my greatest asset and one of the most valuable services I can provide to this country."

    Wherever there's an event where people with cameras and microphones might be willing to point them at me, I'll be there. Wherever an ignorant and frustrated racist is willing to provide me with attention in exchange for me debasing myself before the nation, why, I'll be there.

    Update: Here's some video of the announcement…


    * Is there anything between the just barely beneath the text subtext and the text?

    Photo by David Becker/Getty Images

    Tags: Donald Trump, Primaries, Republicans, Television


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