Weiner! The Musical

Ben Greenman really manages to stir the emotions and touch the human spirit in this musical adaptation of this week's penis-related political scandal from McSweeney's…

[The online conversations begin to turn flirtatious.]

ANTHONY WEINER
The way you make me feel, you know
Is making my trust grow and grow

FEMALE SCREEN NAME #3
I hope you don't just mean your trust
I rubbed the keyboard on my bust

ANTHONY WEINER
Can I call you on the phone?
Can we have a kind of date?

FEMALE SCREEN NAME #4
The prospect of your voice, you know
Makes my pulse accelerate.

ANTHONY WEINER
I took my shoes off, and my shirt.

FEMALE SCREEN NAME #5
The thought of that just drenched my skirt.

[ANTHONY WEINER, taken by the charms of the FEMALE SCREEN NAMES #1-5, considers sending explicit photographs.]

ANTHONY WEINER
I have been struggling as of late
Deciding if it's right or wrong
To use these social network sites
To send a picture of your schlong.

[His TINY CONSCIENCE speaks up.]

ANTHONY WEINER'S TINY CONSCIENCE
What the hell?
Are you kidding, man?
That's your question?
That's your plan?

ANTHONY WEINER
Well, not even the schlong exposed!
But inside boxer briefs and posed
To look much larger than it is
So gasping, they'll say "Is that his?"

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Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Anthony Weiner, Anthony Weiner's Penis, House of Representatives, Huma Abedin, Music, New York, Scandalgate, Twitter