• John McCain Blames Wildfires on Spicy-Cuisine-Eating Illegal Immigrants

    John McCain — Arizona Senator and noted forensic arson investigator — believes illegal immigrants are responsible for the wildfires currently ravaging over 500,000 acres of the Arizona's beautiful desert wasteland

    "There is substantial evidence that some of these fires are caused by people who have crossed our border illegally," McCain, said at a press conference Saturday. "They have set fires because they signal others, they have set fires to keep warm, and they have set fires in order to divert law enforcement agents and agencies from them."

    I don't know. I guess that makes sense. I mean, if you're sneaking into a country, illegally, under the cover of night, stuffed surreptitiously into the bed of an '87 El Camino, your first thought after crossing the border has to be: "How can I avoid drawing attention to myself? Oh, right! Build a signal fire so others, miles away, can find me!"

    And, by the way, why are these immigrants smuggling matches and pitch into the country rather than drugs, guns and terrorists like they're supposed to? It's like they don't even care about scaring xenophobic southwestern bumpkins anymore.

    Anyway, the good news is, at some point, someone is going to have to put these fires out, and given Arizona's budget issues, an influx of cheap Mexican labor does seem to be a winning solution.

    Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Arizona, Immigration, John McCain, Natural Disasters, Senate


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