The news, politics and humans in general are complicated. Twitter is simple. Comedians are here to bridge the gap:
Obama calls for fast troop removal plan in Afghanistan, implicitly confirms speculation that he's probably a terrorist.
Whitey Bulger may be suspected of 19 murders, but that's no reason to ignore the fact that his name is Whitey Bulger.
If there's a reality show or documentary made about Sarah Palin serving jury duty, then the world remains exactly as horrible as it was when there was a reality show and documentary about previous events in Sarah Palin's life.
Newt Gingrich must have the greatest collection of diamond-encrusted American flag pins ever, which, as the Constitution clearly states, makes him the greatest American ever. EVER.
Either this guy is a huge asshole, or the whole thing is an oddly effective viral marketing campaign targeting a niche group of potential tourists for Chicago.
Whenever John McCain says something offensive, just consider how much more offensive your own great grandfather would be if he had to talk about illegal immigrants on national television. It makes everything a little better.
Jon Huntsman has the hair and the cute, adopted daughter from India. Jon Huntsman is the best Republican candidate.
This is why you don't give cell phones to 12 year old girls. If I had a nickel for every nude Amish photo texted to me when I was a minor, I'd have 3 nickels.
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Tags: Afghanistan, Amish, Barack Obama, Bristol Palin, FBI, John McCain, Jon Huntsman, Newt Gingrich, Sarah Palin, Tworld News