• Ungrateful Mexicans Choosing to Stay in Mexico for Unexplainable Reasons

    Oh, all these Mexican illegals pouring into the country to leach off our system, drag down our economy and steal all our jobs! Don't they just make you so angry?! Aaaaarrrggghh! Why can't they just stay in their own country, 'cause they're certainly not welcome here

    The extraordinary Mexican migration that delivered millions of illegal immigrants to the United States over the past 30 years has sputtered to a trickle, and research points to a surprising cause: unheralded changes in Mexico that have made staying home more attractive.

    A growing body of evidence suggests that a mix of developments — expanding economic and educational opportunities, rising border crime and shrinking families — are suppressing illegal traffic as much as economic slowdowns or immigrant crackdowns in the United States.

    Wait, what? That doesn't make any damn sense. You can't actually mean that these people want to stay in their own country instead of coming here to our land of unrivaled prosperity and freedom…

    "I'm not going to go to the States because I'm more concerned with my studies," said Angel Orozco, 18. Indeed, at the new technological institute where he is earning a degree in industrial engineering, all the students in a recent class said they were better educated than their parents — and that they planned to stay in Mexico rather than go to the United States.

    Uh, well… Okay, good! Because we don't want him and his industrial engineering degree here here in the US of A! We're all very happy about that. However, it does bring up certain issues. Like, who's going to clean these dishes? I mean, I'm not. I did not spend seven years going to three different colleges to get a B.A. in liberal arts/communications just so that I could clean some dishes. You know what I'm saying?

    Look, I'm just saying, why do these Mexicans hate America? What do they have against all our good custodial employment opportunities? Oh, so, changing sheets at the Motel 6 down the street isn't good enough for these people?

    I say we get a bunch of guys together, climb into a truck and high-tail it to the U.S./Mexican, and when we see one of those fancypants Mexican dandies get close enough, we grab him and pull him over to our side and get him mopping floors over at the high school! Whatayasay? Let's do this!

    USA! USA! USA!

    Photo by John Moore/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Immigration, Mexico


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