• Rand Paul Does Not Really Understand How Metaphors Work

    Hey, remember that hilarious burn that John McCain laid down on Tea Party congresspeople yesterday?

    Well, Rand Paul wasn't about to let that go unanswered

    "I'd rather be a hobbit than a troll," freshman Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) said on a conference call when asked by Politico about McCain’s remarks. "I think in reading the books, the hobbits were the heroes. They overcame great obstacles, and I think I'd rather be a hobbit than a troll."

    First of all, lemme just say: Oh, would you now? Because I'll tell you one thing, unless you're wearing a mithril vest and have, like, three of the best warriors in Middle Earth and a fucking Maiar on your side, then you, and all your little Hobbit friends, are going to be pretty much fucked if you run into a cave troll. Advantage troll.

    Alright, that said, I'm relatively certain that McCain wasn't implying that Tea Party legislators were a race of really short people who like to drink ale, smoke pipeweed and frolic through the Shire on their bare hairy feet. (Though, Rep. Steve Scalise does make me wonder.) I think he meant that they're living in a fantasy world, in which they think that they will somehow prevail in the end because that's how things happen in make-believe stories.

    Ugh! I can't even get into this. Can somebody help explain this to Sen. Paul?

    Added fellow freshman Sen. Mike Lee, who co-founded the chamber's tea party caucus with Paul and Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.): "It's stunning to me that some people have resorted to name calling rather than simply addressing the issue."

    Uuuuggghhhhhh!!! Forget it! Trying to explain literary devices to these people is like asking an Uruk-hai to ensnare the light of the two trees, Telperion and Laurelin. Know what I mean?

    Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Debt, Economy, John McCain, Mike Lee, Rand Paul, Tea Party


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