• Mitt Romney Cured of Speech Impairment Just in Time to Criticize Obama on Debt Ceiling Deal

    Good news, everybody! Financial expert and business leader extraordinaire Mitt Romney has been cured of the crippling case of mutism that struck his vocal cords back around the time that this debt ceiling debate began and kept him from offering the country his much-needed stately advice on this very difficult issue.

    But finally! A miracle! He can talk! And, as it turns out, that guy Obama did everything exactly wrong!

    "While I appreciate the extraordinarily difficult situation President Obama’s lack of leadership has placed Republican members of Congress in, I personally cannot support this deal," he said.

    In a statement just before a vote on the legislation, which Republican Congressional leaders are urging their members to support, Mr. Romney said that the bill “opens the door” to higher taxes and blamed the president for a failure of leadership.

    "As president, my plan would have produced a budget that was cut, capped and balanced — not one that opens the door to higher taxes and puts defense cuts on the table," Mr. Romney said. "President Obama’s leadership failure has pushed the economy to the brink at the 11th hour and 59th minute."

    Goddamnit! What rotten luck we all had! If only he'd been able to communicate his brilliant ideas for a plan to us somehow in the past month or so!

    Oh well, maybe he'll be available to advise President Bachmann when this issue arises again in 2013.

    Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News /Getty Images

    Tags: Barack Obama, Debt, Economy, Mitt Romney, Primaries, Republicans


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