• Rick Santorum Wins at Logic

    You know, I hate to admit it, but the other day Rick Santorum made a pretty much flawless argument against the very "concept" of gay marriage. You might think that his continued, baseless, pathologically-sad-feeling campaign to deny gay people basic human rights could not be defended from an intellectually honest standpoint, but you'd be wrong.

    Don't believe me? Check out this linguistic science Santorum is dropping all over you

    "It's like saying this glass of water is a glass of beer. Well, you can call it a glass of beer, but it's not a glass of beer. It's a glass of water. And water is what water is. Marriage is what marriage is."

    You see?! You see?! Flawless logic! Still confused? Here, let me break it down for you.

    Okay, so, marriage is water, right? Or marriage is beer. And a gay person can't drink water, because then that water would be beer, which is logistically impossible, because then the water, er, I mean, the marriage, would be beer, which would negate the original premise of the water — which, in this case, is water (I think) — being water. Which is a metaphor for marriage. That makes sense, right? Yeah, I think it does.

    But, you know, I've got to admit, there's still one little thing that still confuses me in all this.

    In this scenario, what is Coors Light?

    Photo by Tom Williams/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images


    Tags: Alcohol, Marriage, Marriage Equality, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Santorum

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