• Rick Santorum Continues to Explain Stuff Real Good

    The other day, Rick Santorum blew us all away with his superior intellect and semantic skills, calmly explaining that two men should not be allowed to marry each other because water and beer are only 97% the same thing — therefore gay marriage is invalid! End of argument! It was really something to behold.

    Then, just last night, he totally wrecked everybody's consciousness by going on the state that something else is definitely not something else. Ergo, no homo

    Rick Santorum today finally wrapped up his 50-city tour de Iowa. He continued to press anti-gay views, saying that calling same-sex marriage a marriage would be like calling a cup of tea a basketball.

    He repeatedly quoted a study that families do better in heterosexual marriages. Though that study actually uses the phrase "nuclear" family, which can include same-sex couples.

    This guy would be wasting his talents as a president. He needs to set himself up a career as a professional thing explainer. In fact, it could be a top raided television show! Just picture it, Rick Santorum roaming across the country, a lonely nomad, elucidating hard to grasp concepts to down-trodden Americans…

    Dirty Hobo: Mr. Santorum, why should me and my wife not have the ability to make an informed decision on whether or not we are prepared to bring a congenitally ill child into the world, especially considering the fact that you opted to administer a partial-birth abortion to your child rather then risk the life of your wife?

    The Explainer: You see, an abortion is life a toothbrush. And a toothbrush is not a Viking war chant. You can try all you like, but you are never going to scrape all the plaque off your teeth a rhyme about the Norse god Odin.

    Dirty Hobo: Oh! Now, I see! It all makes so much sense now!

    I would totally watch that.

    Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: LGBT, Marriage Equality, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Sports

comments

About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.