The Too Long; Didn't Watch Version of Last Night's GOP Debate

Last night's Iowa debate was a solid two-hour block of uncut conservative ideological talking points. That is, admittedly, much too strong a dose for many people. So, here's a little tl;dw bump to get you through till the next news cycle…

Tim Pawlenty: Tried really hard to show how tough he is by repeatedly beating up on a girl; ended up being held down by Bachmann and made to lick a frog.

Herman Cain: Really likes Donna Summer apparently.

Rick Santorum: Got to say about 37 words, most of which were used asking for more screen time.

Mitt Romney: Almost seemed to be superimposed into this debate; was some other place far away in a front-runner bunker debating Barack Obama.

Michele Bachmann: Still doesn't understand how the debt ceiling works, was very adamant that everybody know this; also, very thankful for opportunity to ignore question about submitting to her husband's will.

Jon Huntsman: Was in attendance, supposedly.

Ron Paul: Shocks world with surprisingly reasonable and well-informed argument in favor of a nuclear Iran.

Newt Gingrich: Realized he would not win debate with candidates; chose to debate moderators instead.

All Candidates: There is no greater threat to America today than a slight rise in tax revenues.

Your own insightful insights are welcome in the comments.

Tags: Debt, Gary Johnson, Herman Cain, Iowa, Iowa Straw Poll, Jon Huntsman, Liveblog, Michele Bachmann, Mitt Romney, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Taxes, Tim Pawlenty