• Michele Bachmann Wins Straw-Based Poll

    Okay, so you know when a doctor says, "This is gonna hurt," so clench your fist and grit your teeth and try to prepare for the coming pain? But then when he does the thing it still hurts a whole fucking lot! And then you wonder — with salty tears pooling in the corner of your eyes — what all that preparing was for anyway?

    Anyway… the Ames Iowa Straw Poll turned out pretty much like we all thought she would

    Congresswoman Michele Bachmann has won the Ames Straw Poll with 29% of the vote, edging out Rep. Ron Paul by 152 votes, or 28%.

    I have such mixed feelings about Michele Bachmann's presidential campaign so far. On on the one hand, I'm kind giddy that such a large chunk of Republicans voters are so excited to throw their support behind a candidate so firmly grounded in non-reality that they gave her nearly a third of all votes.

    On the other hand, ugh! I might need to start pricing bomb shelters.

    To be fair, though, it's not like all the other options were so much better. I suppose if I were told that I had to cut my own throat, and then given the option of a scalpel or a box cutter, I'd probably go with the scalpel, too…

    1. Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (4823, 28.55%)
    2. Congressman Ron Paul (4671, 27.65%)
    3. Governor Tim Pawlenty (2293, 13.57%)
    4. Senator Rick Santorum (1657, 9.81%)
    5. Herman Cain(1456, 8.62%)
    6. Governor Rick Perry (718, 3.62%) write-in
    7. Governor Mitt Romney (567, 3.36%)
    8. Speaker Newt Gingrich (385, 2.28%)
    9. Governor Jon Huntsman (69, 0.41%)
    10. Congressman Thad McCotter (35, 0.21%)

    Good for Thad McCotter for getting 35 whole votes! And good for Jon Huntsman for beating somebody! That must have given his ego a little boost.

    Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Herman Cain, Iowa, Iowa Straw Poll, Jon Huntsman, Michele Bachmann, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Thaddeus McCotter, Tim Pawlenty


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