America's sweetheart, Michele Bachmann, knows why the East Coast got slammed by a deadly hurricane and an annoying earthquake this week: A man is displeased with our government's spending habits. This man, who lives in the sky, is also responsible for Michele Bachmann's decisions to marry her husband, become a tax lawyer, and run for Congress. Who is this hateful jerk?
We'd better let his humblest servant tell you…
"I don't know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We've had an earthquake; we've had a hurricane. He said, 'Are you going to start listening to me here?' Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring right now. They know government is on a morbid obesity diet and we've got to rein in the spending."
To recap: God is mad at politicians (but not Michele Bachmann) because they spend too much money. Kind of like how fatties each too much fat food! Except worse, because while Michele Bachmann will chow down on some fatty Midwestern death-meat, she sure as heck won't spend a dime in a frivolous manner. Not a single dime, you heathen bastard people.
Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Michele Bachmann, Natural Disasters, Religion