• Barack Obama's Uncle Arrested for Drunk Driving, Held on Immigration Charges

    Well, it's about time! Some God-fearing, America-loving police officers finally did the right thing and arrested that no good Barack Obama. For something. Probably building a dirty bomb in the White House basement or something

    Onyango Obama was arrested last week in Framingham, about 20 miles (32 kilometers) west of Boston…

    Wait, what? It was his Obama's uncle? Goddamnit, they got the wrong one! Oh well, he's probably in on the dirty bomb scheme anyway…

    …after police said he made a rolling stop through a stop sign [allegedly while intoxicated] and nearly caused a cruiser to strike his sport utility vehicle.

    Ugh! A DUI. Well, did they at least check his trunk for dirty bombs? I'm certain there must have been some dirty bombs in there somewhere. He's Obama's uncle!

    Police said that after being booked at the police station, Obama was asked whether he wanted to make a telephone call to arrange for bail.

    "I think I will call the White House," he stated, according to a police report filed in Framingham District Court.

    Aha! The White House! I knew it! See? Didn't I say back at the beginning that that's where Obama was making the dirty bombs? And this proves it! Because why else would Obama's uncle be calling the White House except to warn him to hide them? You see? It's all coming into focus, isn't it?

    Police said Obama, who's originally from Kenya and is the half-brother of the president's late father, pleaded not guilty Friday and was being held without bail on a detainer from U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement. In a court document, ICE said he had an earlier deportation or removal order.

    Ah, this'll never work. they'll never get rid of him. The Tea Party's been trying to deport his nephew for years, and nothing ever comes of it. I really think we should focus our energies on the dirty bomb angle.

    Tags: Alcohol, Barack Obama, Immigration, Massachusetts


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