America's favorite tipsy uncle, Joe Biden, recently returned from a kickass Asia tour, where he saw 1.3 billion faces and rocked them all. Biden's next big gig? Beautiful Cincinnati, Ohio, where he spoke at the AFL-CIO's annual Labor Day Picnic. Did Biden play his greatest hits, including the punk anthem "The Cracked-Head Club" and "A Big F*****g Deal"? Nope! He just told Ohio that it is the last defense against the end of civilization as we know it…
"This is a fight for the heart and soul of the labor movement, it's fight literally for our right to exist," Biden said. "Don't misunderstand what this is — you are the only folks keeping the barbarians from the gates."
Let's learn a bit more about Ohioans, the only folks capable of protecting Big Labor from the marauding hordes!
* They mix chili and spaghetti. They are unashamed of this fact.
* They worship a strange tree called the "Buckeye" or Aesculus (not to be confused with Aeschylus, nerds.)
* They have an identity crisis: half of their state is golly-gosh midwestern, while the other half is hee-haw southern.
* They wear a lot of sweatshirts.
* Cleveland rocks (it really does).
Congratulations, fans of collective bargaining! These are your new leaders. Joe Biden is in the back of a Skyline Chili somewhere as we speak, pounding some fried Kool-Aid and getting ready to tuck into a steaming plate of carbohydrates mixed with processed protein. Rock and roll!
Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Joe Biden, Ohio, Unions, Work/office