Shirtless Joe Biden Confirmed

Hey gals! Need a cure for your post-Ronnie Reagan Debate hangover?

Well, feature this, girlfriends: your topless Joe Biden fantasies have at last been confirmed! And in a rather unusual place for an interview with the Vice President of the United States: the October issue of Car and Driver magazine…

C/D:  Sadly, we must ask about the Onion story. While shirtless, have you ever washed a 1981 Pontiac Trans Am in your driveway?

JB: [Laughing] You think I'd drive a Trans Am? I have been in my bathing suit in my driveway and not only washed my Goodwood-green 1967 Corvette but also simonized it.  At least the Onion should have had me washing a Trans Am convertible. I love convertibles.

Bow chicka wow WOOOOOOW!

He goes on to say of the 'Vette: "The Secret Service won’t let me drive it. I'm not allowed to drive anything. It's the one thing I hate about this job. I'm serious." But true to form, Bidey won't allow a little thing like his own safety and security to prevent him from answering the call of Lady Road…

My brother has one of those 556-hp [CTS-V] Cadillacs with a manual. He brought it down for me to eat my heart out. So I got in. I have a driveway that’s about 1700 feet long. I knew the Secret Service wouldn't let me drive it outside. So I jumped on that sucker and laid rubber.  A great feeling.

If you don't have a ladyboner right now, you're not an American.

Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images