• Newt Gingrich Not Really One for the Campaign Trail

    Is everybody exited for tonight's GOP debate? Man, it feels like almost a week since the last one, doesn't it? Time sure does fly when you're slavering over the decay of a once great nation, that's for sure.

    One of the (many) great things about a GOP debate is it gives us a chance to check in with "Big Thinker" candidate Newt Gingrich and find out which debate moderators are getting under his skin today. Which, come to think of it, seems like the only time we ever hear from him at all lately. I wonder why that is

    The lack of a visible Gingrich campaign apparatus in the early-voting states of Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina has caused some in the Republican Party to wonder whether he's seriously running for president or participating only to bolster the Gingrich brand to boost his book sales and speaking fees.

    "I've heard from the Michele Bachmann campaign, Rick Perry's folks, Jon Huntsman's campaign, Herman Cain's — everyone except the Gingrich campaign," said Phillip Bowers, chairman of the Pickens County Republican Party in South Carolina. "Newt's a smart man. I'm sure he has a strategy. I just don't know what it is."

    First of all, you know what you need to know, and not jot or tittle more.

    Second of all, have you been out there on the campaign trail? Have you seen the people standing along it waiting to shake your hand? Um, excuse me, but some of those people have not had a manicure in literally weeks, at the very least. And some of them, I'm relatively certain, have been touch food products, and that is just not acceptable. Uh, thank you very much, but no.

    Besides, what is the big deal with being on the campaign trail anyway? If people want to know what Newt Gingrich thinks, it's all laid out in his book, To Save America: Stopping Obama's Secular-Socialist Machine (ISBN 978-1-59698-596-4), co-written by Joe DeSantis, available through Regnery Publishing for the low low price of $17.95. Buy a copy of that book — along with another one for someone you love — and you'll know everything you need to need to know about the next president's plans for our country's future.

    Photo by Brendan Smialowski/Getty Imgaes News/Getty Images


    Tags: Books, Newt Gingrich, Primaries, Republicans, South Carolina

comments

About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.