CPAC FL Is Woodstock for Grandmas

Florida has many glorious events: nightly fireworks at Disney World, weekly shuffleboard at your grandparents' retirement community, and semiannual gin-soaked hurricane parties. And if you're down with masses of angry white people waving 4,000-year-old books in the air to justify their disdain for homosexuals and/or love of guns and/or aversion to immigrants, you'll love the most rockin' event of them all — CPAC FL!

We've assembled a handy list of the best workshops, films and lectures on offer at the Orange County Convention Center…

* "Social Media 101" (or "Your Teabagger Granddaddy Learns How to Copy and Paste an AOL Forward to Tumblr")

* "Using Humor for Effective Content" (or "Victoria Jackson Is Probably Here")

* A screening of the film Ronald Reagan: Rendezvous with Destiny (original title: AIDS? What's That? Have Some Jellybeans!)

And yes, all the Republican presidential candidates will be there. Please make sure your grandma is wearing her American flag bra to the Santorum rally, so everyone can witness her patriotism when she flings it at him.

Thankfully, George W. Bush won't be speaking, so Granny won't have to throw elbows at Michele Bachmann to score some quality snuggle time.

Tags: Conservatives, CPAC, Florida, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Ronald Reagan, Victoria Jackson