Are you a woman who has engaged in heterosexual sex with Texas Gov. Rick Perry? Or a man who has engaged in homosexual sex with Mr. Perry? How about a hermaphrodite who's had both heterosexual and homosexual sex with Mr. Perry? A horse who's had zoophilic barnyard sex with him?
Okay, how about this? What if you're a deceased male kangaroo rebuilt with machine parts who has had pan-hemispheric necro-homosexual zoophilic ASFR sex with Rick Perry? Anything?
Well, maybe you just have pictures?
Whatever you have, just get in touch with Hustler publisher Larry Flynt because he wants to give you a million dollars (U.S. unfortunately) for evidence of such an "illicit sexual liaison"…
Los Angeles-based Larry Flynt Productions, which publishes Hustler, said it bought full-page advertisements in the weekly editions of the U.S. satirical tabloid The Onion and the Austin Chronicle, a Texas alternative paper, seeking evidence of any Perry peccadilloes…
A copy of the most recent ad circulated to the media by Flynt's company read, "Have you had a gay or straight sexual encounter with Governor Rick Perry?"
"Can you provide documented evidence of illicit sexual or intimate relations with the governor? Larry Flynt and Hustler magazine will pay you up to $1 million if we choose to publish your verified story and use your material."
You know, I have a lot of pictures of a lot of things on my computer. And I went through them all, and I don't think any of them are Rick Perry. Well, I mean, this one guy is wearing a My Little Pony mask, so, maybe? But his chest hair seems to gray to be Perry's.
Of course, I do have this one here. But, I don't know, it's kinda blurry.
Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Larry Flynt, LGBT, Money, Porn, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Perry, Scandalgate, Sex