• Herman Cain Won't Let Facts Keep Him From Being Hilarious

    Herman Cain is practically our president already. Not only has he won the Florida straw poll and surged into the lead in several states, he's already written his memoir, titled This is Herman Cain!: My Journey to the White House.

    The book concludes with President Cain's thoughts on his inauguration day (a sedate affair since "I [Herman Cain] have decided to sharply decrease the number of inaugural night balls. Instead, Mrs. Cain and I will host a series of celebratory occasions"), but with January 20, 2013 still many months away, will Cain focus on securing victory over his rivals in the Florida primary or promoting the product of his fevered imagination?

    But the book tour, which started in Georgia and continues in Texas on Thursday and Virginia on Friday, comes at a strange time given Cain’s recent surge and serves as an awkward contrast to other presidential contenders.

    Romney, for example, was in Florida on Tuesday and Wednesday holding a town hall with Republican voters at The Villages and spending time in Tallahassee meeting voters, legislators and Gov. Rick Scott.

    "They don't know my schedule. They don't know my strategy," said Cain, 65. "The perception that we're not campaigning is ridiculous."

    Supporters who crammed between Barnes & Noble's travel and Japanese comic sections hoping to meet Cain didn't seem to mind.

    To be fair, Cain's strategy isn't limited to hawking his book and issuing snappy refrains ("Cain supporters don't defect…They’re not looking for the flavor of the week. They've found Haagen-Dazs"). He also has a message for the Occupy Wall Street protesters and the unemployed: let them eat cake crappy pizza…

    "Don't blame Wall Street," Cain said. "Don't blame the big banks. If you don't have a job and you're not rich, blame yourself."

    The conservative radio talk show host described the protests as "planned and orchestrated to distract from the failed policies of the Obama administration, though he admitted he didn't "have the facts to back this up."

    I don't have the facts to back this up, but I think Cain is full of it. Research into inter-generational income mobility indicates parental income is highly correlated with economic outcomes for American children. And research into the Obama administration (read: looking at a newspaper) shows their relationship with Wall Street to be rather cozy. Okay, looks I do have some facts, but Herman Cain is still funnier.

    Photo by Steve Pope/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Books, Florida, Herman Cain, Occupy Wall Street, Primaries, Republicans, Unemployment, Wall Street

comments

About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.