• Anita Perry: God is Punking Every Candidate Except Rick Perry

    I realize how difficult life must be for practicing Christians in America. Sure, children are permitted to pray in public schools, but can God even hear those prayers when teachers and administrators are not allowed to lead them? And of course, self-identified Christians make up about three-quarters of the U.S. adult population, but all those secular math classes have failed me…that's basically a minority, right?

    In any case, I thought the War on Christmas was the worst injustice inflicted on our Christ-loving neighbors, but during yesterday's speech in South Carolina, Rick Perry's wife explained the situation was much worse: Christians aren't even safe in a Republican primary anymore…

    In an address that was sometimes teary, [Anita Perry] offered a window into how the family has been dealing with this first two months of the campaign, and admitted to drawing a surprising conclusion: Rick Perry is being attacked by the other Republican candidates because he is a Christian.

    "He truly felt like he was called to do this," she says at one point. "We still feel called to do this. We are being brutalized by our opponents and by our party. So much of that is I think they look at him because of his faith. He is the only true conservative. Well, there are some other conservatives, and they are there for good reasons. And they may feel like God called them too. But I truly feel that we are here for that purpose."

    Funny story about God: turns out He is quite the prankster. His schedule is filled with everything from awarding touchdowns to worthy NFL teams to sending deadly hurricanes ripping along the eastern seaboard, but He still finds time to tell Republican presidential candidates that they, and they alone, are commanded to fulfill Jesus's mission of cutting capital gains taxes and discriminating against gay people (raised a Jewish atheist, I'm a little rusty on Christian theology).

    God told Michele Bachmann to run for president. Karen Santorum heard God calling for her husband. Herman Cain humbly admitted he felt "like Moses when God said I want you to go into Egypt and lead my people out." Which must be very confusing for Rick Perry and his wife

    She likened Perry's decision to run to encountering a "burning bush," a reference to the Biblical story of Moses receiving a sign from God. And Anita Perry suggested that her husband's current difficulties were a "test."

    "Last week, someone came up to Rick and gave him the scripture. He said Rick, I want to tell you God is testing you," she said.

    For his part, Rick Perry agreed with his wife's interpretation of events, though personally, I'm still inclined toward the Can't Debate to Save His Life secular humanist theory of Perry's decline.

    Photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Anita Perry, Christianity, Herman Cain, Michele Bachmann, Primaries, Religion, Republicans, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum

comments

About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.