• Rick Perry Unsure if Barack Obama Is an American or a Time-Traveling Impostor

    You know it's almost Halloween when every zombie idea, from the flat tax to "birtherism," suddenly rises from a fevered sleep to infect a new set of victims. As revealed in an interview published on Sunday, the latest American to catch a mild case of birther fever is none other than the quickly-fading presidential candidate, Rick Perry…

    Governor, do you believe that President Barack Obama was born in the United States?
    I have no reason to think otherwise.

    That's not a definitive, "Yes, I believe he"—
    Well, I don't have a definitive answer, because he’s never seen my birth certificate.

    But you've seen his.
    I don't know. Have I?

    He has! The long-form version was released in April. You can buy a mug with an image of the birth certificate on it! What kind of unholy creature feasted on Perry's brain, scooping out the last vestiges of reason and common-sense from the inside of the governor's well-coiffed head?

    You don't believe what's been released?
    I don't know. I had dinner with Donald Trump the other night.

    And?
    That came up.

    And he said?
    He doesn't think it’s real.

    And you said?
    I don't have any idea. It doesn't matter. He's the President of the United States. He's elected. It's a distractive issue.

    Now, bear with me. In addition to the Certificate of Live Birth released in June 2008 and the long-form document released in April 2011, Obama's birth was reported in 1961 in the births sections of Hawaii newspapers. In a seemingly unrelated development, conservative leaders and intellectuals have argued that Obama's policies precipitated the economic collapse that occurred before Obama assumed the presidency. There are a couple of explanations for these seemingly disparate phenomena:

    One — Barack Obama is a Kenyan-born time-traveling sorcerer, who returned to the year 1961 to establish a record of his "birth" with the state of Hawaii and local newspapers, then ventured to the mid-2000s in a successful bid to undermine the housing market, before returning to the future and winning the presidency.

    Two — Some subset of people who hate Obama are demented fools who will believe anything.

    Deciding which is the more plausible explanation is an exercise for the reader, though everyone is welcome to borrow Occam's Razor.

    Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Barack Obama, Birthers, Donald Trump, Hawaii, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Perry

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