Sharon Bialek Is a Bankrupt Gold Digger

By now, you know Sharon Bialek held a press conference where she accused Herman Cain of reaching for her genitals and offering her a job in exchange for oral sex. If it's true, that really makes it grosser that he once said "If you don't have a job, it's your fault."

But let's not crucify the guy without all the facts. Herman Cain is innocent until proven guilty. So far, all we actually know Herman Cain reached for was our hearts. Sharon Bialek, on the other hand, is guilty until proven not-a-gold-digger…

According to someone who knows Bialek: "She has a very infectious personality. It's easy to see how she won [Cain] over. But the reality of her situation is — she's a complete gold digger. It's all about the money…"

"This is a lady who lives off the system. She is hellbent on finding a way of never having to work and living the lifestyle she wants to live, a very affluent lifestyle. In my next life, I want to come back as her."

Some guy, presumably Kanye West, said she's a gold digger? She filed for bankruptcy twice? An anonymous witness says she saw her at a Tea Party rally hugging Herman Cain? Michelle Malkin saw her giggling at the press conference? Oh my God! It all makes sense now! Sharon Bialek is Keyser Söze!

Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Herman Cain, Primaries, Republicans, Scandalgate, Sex, Sharon Bialek