• Herman Cain Hasn't Sexually Harassed Thousands of People

    Why does everybody make such a big deal about the measly five people who have made allegations of sexual harassment against Herman Cain in the past decade or so. Do you have any idea how many people did not do that?

    Herman Cain’s latest defense against the sexual harassment charges dogging his campaign: you should really pay attention to the many, many people in the world who have not accused me of inappropriate behavior, not the five or so women who have…

    "For every one person that comes forward with a false accusation, there are probably thousands who will say that none of that sort of activity ever came from Herman Cain," Cain said, referring to himself in the third person, as is his custom lately.

    With all due respect, I think that Mr. Cain is being a tad ungenerous toward himself here. Probably thousands? Definitely thousands. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that there are hundreds of thousands of people "who will say that none of that sort of activity ever came from Herman Cain."

    You know what? I'm gonna go even further. I will stake my reputation on the claim that there are literally millions of people who will say that Herman Cain never reached for their genitals. Now, you may call me naive, but I genuinely believe that. I genuinely do.

    Will I say billions? Okay, I maybe won't go that far. That's a lot of people, and I can't really wrap my head around a number that large, so I'm gonna decline to make a statement of certainty about that. But, definitely definitely millions.

    Photo by Matt Sullivan/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Herman Cain, Primaries, Republicans, Scandalgate

comments

About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.