In case you missed it, here's what happened at the CNN/American Enterprise Institute/Heritage Foundation debate, the 9,284th debate of this primary season, with at least 8,582 left to go.
Mitt Romney: Shown here being inspected for bugs by Rick Perry, the Romneybot faltered when an attempt at lighthearted introduction went terribly wrong. What I mean to say is, Mitt Romney either does not know–or is prepared to lie about–his own name.
Newt Gingrich: The GOP frontrunner-for-now kicked things off on a festive note, warning that "all of us will be in danger for the rest of our lives." He was talking about terrorism, but the danger of being bored to death by Newt Gingrich was clearly implied.
Herman Cain: The ex-GOP frontrunner made the very important point that Iran has mountains, and is therefore invincible. He also addressed debate moderator Wolf Blitzer as "Blitz," which everyone LOL'd about on Twitter, but that's just the kind of independent thinker Herman Cain is.
Rick Perry: The ex-ex-GOP frontrunner was dubbed "highly naive" by Michele Bachmann. I don't know how you recover from that.
Michele Bachmann: Yes, she's on the House Intelligence Committee, har har. Well, guess what: she knows a lot more about Pakistan than Rick Perry does. Of course, so does Gary Johnson's neighbor's dog.
Ron Paul: One of these days all the pressure is going to build up in Ron Paul's body until it escapes with a massive explosion, launching him high above the other candidates' heads, where he will rain copies of The Fountainhead down upon them.
Rick Santorum: People asked Rick Santorum to say his foreign policy ideas into a microphone. This is an example of the setup being the punchline.
Jon Huntsman: Huntsman was feeling feisty, arguing with Mitt Romney about Afghanistan and demanding, at one point, "Did you hear what I just said?" Must be all the Angry Birds he's playing.
AND THE WINNER IS…: Blitz. Heckuva job, Blitz.
Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: CNN, Debates, Herman Cain, International Affairs, Jon Huntsman, Michele Bachmann, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Wolf Blitzer