• Herman Cain Train Derails, Campaign Suspended

    There must be some combination of words, some healing sentences, that can soften grief and dull the ache of tragedy. But sometimes, there is nothing you can say

    Herman Cain said Saturday that he is suspending his bid for the Republican presidential nomination, choosing to end his campaign after weathering weeks of scrutiny over alleged sexual misconduct and accusations of an extramarital affair.

    "As of today, with a lot of prayer and soul searching, I am suspending my presidential campaign," Cain said at an appearance outside his campaign headquarters Saturday in Atlanta. "I am suspending my presidential campaign because of the continued distraction, the continued hurt caused on me and my family. Not because we are not fighters."

    NO! In the speech announcing the suspension of his campaign, Cain acknowledged that he "did not fit the usual description” of a presidential candidate. He was right. Usually, presidential candidates know that China possesses nuclear weapons. Usually, candidates have a basic grasp of policy regarding countries the United States has recently bombed. Usually, candidates possess some modicum of qualifications. But not Herman Cain! And now he is gone and we are left with nothing but memories and a taco pizza-shaped hole in our souls…

    Cain said he's launching a "plan B" of his public career, a new policy-oriented website called TheCainSolutions.com. He said he will endorse a Republican candidate for president "in the near future."

    "I am not going to be silenced, and I am not going away," he defiantly told disappointed supporters.

    Whew. He's threatening to endorse another candidate and starting a website and I bet the next logical thing is for Cain to co-moderate the next debate with Donald Trump. Comedy is saved! And while we await the next inevitable comic turn, Cain leaves us with some final words of wisdom

    "I believe these words came from the Pokemon movie," Cain said. "Life can be a challenge. Life can seem impossible. It’s never easy when there’s so much on the line. But you and I can make a difference. There’s a mission just for you and me."

    He continued: "Just look inside and you will find just that you can do."

    For someone who claims "I Am America," the choice of foreign cartoon is unorthodox, but I, for one, salute the Herman Cain multi-platform performance art project.

    Photo by Steve Pope/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Herman Cain, Primaries, Republicans


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