• William Kristol Writes Such Lovely Republican Fan Fiction

    Aw, it's so cute how conservative columnist William Kristol is always imagineering up fantastical scenarios in which magical conservatives come galloping out of the wilderness on magnificent white elephants to save the Republican Party from the Republican Party. Like, remember when he invented Sarah Palin? That was so adorable!

    Well, please allow me to introduce you to his newest creation: President Paul Ryan and Vice President Marco Rubio

    The key, I think, would be if both Romney and Gingrich stumbled during January. If that were to happen, there would be a window of opportunity in February — during the gap between the first spurt of January primaries and Super Tuesday on March 6. The window probably closes around Valentine’s Day — Tuesday, February 14 — so let’s call the late entry the Valentine’s Day option. That could be the last chance (unless there’s a deadlocked convention, which isn’t totally outside the realm of possibility either) for Republicans to throw off the old suitors and run into the arms of a new Prince Charming. Or two. And Valentine’s Day is for the young.

    So (as I argued a year ago – and several times subsequently), why not the best? Ryan-Rubio 2012?

    And don’t think, by the way, that Ryan and Rubio are too young.

    Hear that, GOP? There's still time! Your twin nights of glimmering austerity can still jump into the race, throw the foundering nation onto their broad strong backs and carry America through the littered debris of disappointing candidates and up… up… up past the cloud line to rest forever as a shining city upon a hill.

    And they can do it without shirts. All oiled up and stuff. And, like, their pants can be really tight, so you can just kind of almost get a decent look at the throbbing manhood that dangles between their muscled thighs. But in a tasteful conservative way.

    And we'll all live happily ever after. Amen.

    Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: House of Representatives, Marco Rubio, Paul Ryan, Primaries, Republicans, Senate, William Kristol


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