• The Mitt Romney Uncomfortable Caucus Circus

    Step right up, ladies and gentlemen! The GOP Circus is rolling into your town. Watch as amazing feats of the mind are performed in front of you.

    First and foremost, there's our GOP ringleader, Mitt Romney. This omniscient (and magically ageless) man knows everything about you from just one glance

    Mr. Romney has developed an unlikely penchant for trying to puzzle out everything from voters' personal relationships to their ancestral homelands.

    "Sisters?" he asked. (Nope, stepmother and stepdaughter.) "Your husband?" he wondered. (No, just a friend from the neighborhood.) "Mother and daughter?" he guessed. (Cousins, actually.)

    The results can be awkward. "Daughter?" he asked a woman sitting with a man and two younger girls at the diner in Tilton, N.H., on Friday morning. Her face turned a shade of red. "Wife."

    Worry not! The Great Romney is just warming up. After all, it's hard to travel from town to town, trying to draw people into your tent every night…

    "What are you, about 9, 10?" Mr. Romney asked a young boy, shaking his gloved hand in a parking lot in Lancaster, N.H. "Seven," the boy's mom said.

    No matter, no matter. Romney can charm folks with his supernatural intelligence. Why, just ask Iowan Obama supporter and dairy cow owner Jessica Hebert…

    Mr. Romney delved deeply into the topic, with real curiosity and a barrage of questions, after Ms. Hebert, who has shown dairy cows, explained that a prize animal produced about 100 pounds of milk a day. He began a series of rapid-fire calculations to determine how many gallons are in a pound: "Eight-point-three pounds per gallon. So 8 into 100 is going to be about 13, 14, gallons. Oh, 12 — there you go."

    You may never see anything like Romney's powers of perception again in your lifetime, my friends. And now, more amazing sights await.

    Make your way towards our bearded man and wife, The Bachmanns!

    Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Iowa Caucus, Marcus Bachmann, Michele Bachmann, Mitt Romney, New Hampshire, Primaries

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