• 2011: The Exit Interview

    Well, folks, this is it–our last post of 2011. Thanks for reading, commenting, following us on Twitter and telling us that we're idiots for the past twelve months. We'll be back with/for more in 2012, and fyi, we have some exciting things up our sleeves for the election, so please stay tuned. Meanwhile, we thought we'd take a look back at the year that was with an exclusive interview.

    Happy New Year!

    Indecision: Hi, 2011. Thanks so much for talking with us.

    2011: Yeah. I can't stay long, though.

    Indecision: That's fine. Where is it you're going, anyway?

    2011: I can't tell you.

    Indecision: Really?

    2011: The thing with undisclosed locations is you're not supposed to disclose where they are.

    Indecision: Is it near the U.S. Naval Observatory?

    2011: I don't want to talk about it.

    Indecision: Okay. So, in your opinion, what was the most compelling political story of the- of you?

    2011: Hmmm. Let me think. I'll have to go with that guy Anthony Weiner. He's the one who put a picture of his penis on Twitter, right?

    Indecision: Yes. Why did you find that particular story so interesting?

    2011: Because his name means penis.

    Indecision: Good point. Was there anything that took you by surprise?

    2011: Herman Cain. I gotta say, I didn't see that coming.

    Indecision: I don't think anyone did.

    2011: I sure showed him, though. (Cracks knuckles, stares off into space.)

    Indecision: You roughed up Newt Gingrich a little, too.

    2011: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Just jerking him around. It helps me blow off steam. He's up! He's down! He's at Tiffany's! He's lying about his divorce! He's the frontrunner! He's fallen in the polls! He's up again! Whatever. Now he's down, I think, dunno for how long.

    Indecision: What does that mean for him, though? Can he bounce back even if he loses Iowa next week?

    2011: How would I know? You'll have to ask my friend.

    Indecision: Your friend?

    2011: Twelvey.

    Indecision: Fair enough. Was there any politician you admired?

    2011: Ron Paul.

    Indecision: Why's that?

    2011: He's the only one who's older than I am.

    Indecision: 2011!

    2011: Just kidding. Don't let the gold standard people send me hate mail. Politicians I admired, hmm. I guess Rick Santorum.


    2011: When I started, when I was coming in, I told Tenbo that I'd be seeing a lot of Rick Santorum, and I, like, called the whole thing. The self-righteous homophobia, the sweater vests, the teary speeches, the campaign ads that exploit the fact that he's got a cute kid with a disability. He's a machine that runs himself. We all love him for that. We don't have to do a damn thing, it just unfolds.

    Indecision: What are your thoughts about President Obama?

    2011: (Long pause.) Is this on the record?

    Indecision: It's on the internet.

    2011: I hated doing, you know, some of the things I did to him. He seems like a nice guy. Maybe a little cocky. And you wouldn't know it to look at him, but yeah, he's got a temper. He can get angry. I saw him get angry a whole bunch.

    Indecision: So wait, if you hated doing it, why did you-

    2011: He got Bin Laden, though. He'll remember me for that. Hell, everyone will.

    Indecision: I need to know how this works. Is there someone who tells you-

    2011: Oh my gosh, look at the time!

    Indecision: No, hold on-

    2011: Sorry! I have to get going. Good luck! Have fun with Twelvey! He's pretty cool, except for the- well, you'll find out. Bye!

    Photo by Lily Chou/Flickr/Getty Images

    Tags: Anthony Weiner's Penis, Barack Obama, Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul


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