Since everybody else is making predictions for the outcome of tonight's caucuses, we decided to throw our hats into the already hat-bloated ring.
Please be aware that these results are legally binding…
"Winner: Mitt Romney. He's like the Prom Queen everyone hates but still votes for. Runner-up: Ron Paul. Can we just tell him he's President and let him win in his fantasy world? Last place: Michele Bachmann."
Lisa Beth Johnson
"Winner: Rick Santorum. He's wearing his lucky sweater vest. Runner up: Mitt Romney. He's electable. Third place: Ron Paul. He's not."
"Winner: Mitt Romney. His magic underpants finally started working. First Runner-up: Rick Santorum, a solid number two. Miss Un-Congeniality: Michele Bachmann."
"Winner: Ron Paul. First runner-up: Mitt Romney. Third place: Rick Santorum."
"Winner: Mitt Romney. First runner-up: Ron Paul. He's got two first names and that’s funny to me. Third place: Rick Santorum. On the whole, it’s a worse name than Ron Paul's."
"Winner: Mitt Romney, by one strategically-tousled hair. Runner-up: Rand Paul. That's not a typo. Having his dad come in second in Iowa will be a great talking point when Rand Paul runs for president in 2020. Third place: Dan Savage. Think about it."
"Winner: Mitt Romney, but only because this is a cold and impersonal universe in which we exist. First runner-up: Ron Paul, or I suppose the win should maybe go to his puppeteers. Third place: Rick Perry, because I am very very bad at doing these things."
How about yours?
Tags: Iowa, Iowa Caucus, Primaries, Republicans