• Pat Robertson Got an Email from God, Knows Next President, Isn't Telling

    Wouldn't you know it, but on the first official day of the GOP primaries, former Iowa caucus loser Pat Robertson happened to check his inbox, and now it turns out he already knows the outcome to everything that's going to happen for the next eight months

    "I spent the better part of a week in prayer and just saying, 'God show me something,' some things I’ll share with you. I think he showed me the next me the next president but I’m not supposed to talk about that so I'll leave you in the dark — probably just as well — I think I’ll know who it will be."

    Noooooo!!!! You can't do that, Pat Robertson! You can't come out and tell us that you know the answer to the most important question in America right now, but then casually mention that you can't tell us! That's not fair!

    To be clear, I totally believe you when you say that the Architect of All Creation made a special point to shoot you text message or something and give you a heads up about who will be making minor changes to the memetic direction in which the country will be moving over the course of the next four-to-eight years. I certainly have no reason to doubt that.

    And I'm not asking you to betray the trust of an omnipresent omnipotent omnibenevolent being who exists outside of space and time, just after he did you a major solid like that. No way! To even see such preposterousness all written out like that is just kind of embarrassing and cringeworthy.

    I'm just asking why you had to tell us in the first place! We all would have been much happier not knowing that you know. So unfair.


    Tags: Christianity, Pat Robertson, Primaries, Religion, Republicans

comments

About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.