• Rick Santorum Strongly Denies Rumor of his Winning the Iowa Caucus

    Since the Iowa Caucuses are less about delegate counts than about beating expectations, setting the narrative and other forms of media masturbation, Rick Santorum's second place showing was enough to guarantee voters at least a few more weeks access to his rich fantasy life, which involves poly-amorous "man on dog" action and diatribes against contraception that are strangely discordant with his prophylactic choice in sweater-ware.

    But was Santorum really a solid number two in Iowa?

    Edward True, 28, of Moulton, said he helped count the votes and jotted the results down on a piece of paper to post to his Facebook page. He said when he checked to make sure the Republican Party of Iowa got the count right, he said he was shocked to find they hadn't.

    "When Mitt Romney won Iowa by eight votes and I've got a 20-vote discrepancy here, that right there says Rick Santorum won Iowa," True said. "Not Mitt Romney."

    True said at his 53-person caucus at the Garrett Memorial Library, Romney received two votes. According to the Iowa Republican Party's website, True's precinct cast 22 votes for Romney.

    Santorum, for one, will not stand for this vicious suggestion that he actually won the Caucus…

    "Here's what I know — having talked to the chairman Matt Strawn, who is the chairman of the Republican Party of Iowa — that all these counties are going to be reporting in. They’re going to be certifying…that there was one county where there was a 20-vote mistake in my favor…but there was a 21-vote mistake in Romney's favor — so it actually netted out to what I understand is a one-vote difference. [in Romney's favor]"

    It all makes perfect sense, as long as you suspend all notions of a caucus being a democratic process for selecting convention delegates and instead treat it as a press-driven circle jerk. A first-place finish saddles a candidate with high expectations. Second place transforms a vanity campaign into…a slightly more viable vanity campaign.

    Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Iowa, Iowa Caucus, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Santorum

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