Herman Cain Cheats on the American People With Newt Gingrich

It was only two weeks ago that Herman Cain endorsed "we the people" for the presidency, an honor we well deserved, considering most of us have already been named Time Person of the Year twice in the past six years.

But sadly, it turned out to be one of those newfangled open endorsements.  We, the American people, couldn't match the raw animal charisma of one Newton Leroy Gingrich, whose values, message and sausage were ultimately endorsed by Cain in a speech at the Palm Beach County GOP Party Lincoln Day Dinner in West Palm Beach, Florida…

"One of the biggest reasons is the fact that I know that Speaker Gingrich is a patriot," Cain said. "Speaker Gingrich is not afraid of bold ideas. And I also know that Speaker Gingrich is running for president, and going through this sausage grinder — I know what this sausage grinder is all about. I know that he’s going through this sausage grinder because he cares about the future of the United States of America. We all do."

There are a few theories on what precipitated the abandonment of "the people" in favor of Gingrich. It could be that Cain is taking political advice from the same person who thought it was a good idea to mention sausage grinders three times in the span of two sentences. Or perhaps Gingrich simply had to ask the presently underemployed pizza man, "you want a job, don't you?"

Gingrich said he hopes Cain will co-chair a commission to lead the policy discussion on the economy and taxes…"I realize that as a co-chair of a commission like that, there would be a little thing called 9-9-9 that would be brought in and put on the table. So I fully expect that," Gingrich said.

Alternatively, this is all part of an ill-fated business strategy for a lunar expansion of the Godfather's Pizza chain. It will be a sad day indeed, when Gingrich and Cain learn the Moon isn't really made of cheese.

Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Florida, Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich, Primaries, Republicans