A Severe Summary of the Arizona Republican Debate

Last night Arizona hosted the twentieth — and maybe last! — Republican debate. We watched so you didn't have to. And even did some 'rithmatic:

One – number of times Ron Paul called Rick Santorum a fake, "Because he's a fake."

Fifty-seven – number of times Paul was thinking it.

Three-plus - number of times Santorum admitted to being a fake. Example par douchelance, on No Child Left Behind: "I have to admit, I voted for that. It was against the principles I believed in, but, you know, when you're part of the team, sometimes you take one for the team, for the leader, and I made a mistake."

Two - mentions of Ronald Reagan, both by Newt Gingrich.

Seven - mentions of George Bush (including one "Bush 41" reference). Was this a GOP debate or a MoveOn.org meetup?

One Hundred Thousand – number of dollars Rick Santorum cost the taxpayers of Pennsylvania when he was a "home schooling father of seven" and the "home school" was an online charter academy. I wonder if the Santorums' cyber home is near Azeroth. Maybe he and Ron Paul are neighbors!

And kept track of potent quotables:

Moment most reminiscent of a Flight of the Conchords dialogue:  "What we're seeing is a problem in our culture with respect to children being raised by children, children being raised out of wedlock." – Rick Santorum. "Actually, Bret. When I think about your children, and your children's children, I actually think your children are too young to be having children. And as far as your children's children's children, I think, you know, where does it stop? When the–When the children are having children, you know, it's just–how small are they going to get? It's going to be — too small." – Jermaine.

Quintessential Gingrichism: "I would, frankly, dramatically shrink the Federal Department of Education down to doing nothing but research…"

Runner-up: "Teaching is a missionary vocation. When you bureaucratize it, you kill it. We need a fundamental re-thinking from the ground up."

Embryo Farm: Worst. Facebook. Game. Ever. "When there was an effort to put in place embryo farming and cloning, I vetoed that." – Mitt Romney. At least we're not in Iowa anymore or else we'd have to hear about embryo farm subsidies.

Essential Ron Paul: Pills don't kill babies, irresponsible harlots do. "But sort of along the line of the pills creating immorality, I don't see it that way. I think the immorality creates the problem of wanting to use the pills. So you don't blame the pills." – Ron Paul

Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Arizona, Debates, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul