• Bringing Much Needed Positivity to Tragic Tornado Disasters

    Nothing like a series of tragic and fatal natural disasters to bring out the best in people.

    It really does my heart good to know we have people like progressive radio host Mike Malloy out there, bringing glimmers of hope into the darkness of despair

    "Their God… keeps smashing them into little grease spots on the pavement in  Alabama, and Mississippi, and Arkansas, and Georgia, and Oklahoma," Malloy says in his broadcast from Friday.

    "You know, the Bible belt, where [in a mocking voice] they ain't gonna let no goddamned science get in the way, it says in the Bible, blah blah blah blah blah. So, according to their way of thinking, God with his omnipotent thumb reaches down here and so far tonight has smashed about 20 people into a grease spot on highway 12, or whatever the hell highway they live next to."

    Now, as moving as his smashed greasespot analogy is — and it is almost heart wrenchingly moving — it does ring a tad bit false to my ears. Because clearly, we cannot blame God for these horrendous tragedies. Oh, certainly not!

    No, the blame falls squarely on the shoulders of the victims. Isn't that right, Pat Robertson?

    Pat Robertson, who earlier called tornadoes a sign of the End Times, was asked today on the 700 Club about the tornadoes that have ravaged parts the country and killed at least twelve people. He said that the storms weren't a malicious act of God and instead turned it around on the victims, asking, "why did you build houses where tornadoes were apt to happen?"

    Robertson continued that the tornadoes may not have happened if people had prayed for divine intervention, "If enough people were praying He would've intervened, you could pray, Jesus stilled the storm, you can still storms." He also told people who live in areas prone to natural disasters that it’s "their fault, not God’s."

    Ugh! If only they had thought to pray more! Damn it! Why didn't anybody tell them to do that?! Huh?!

    Look, what they need to do is set up emergency boxes all over the midwest, with signs reading "In case of tornado, break glass." Then, once they see a twister coming, they can smash the glass, quickly grab the Bible inside and begin pleading with their god in the hopes that they can quickly make the "prayer quota" before it's too late.

    Because Jesus isn't gonna come down from Heaven to save some lives unless you make it worth his while. He's not FEMA, you know.

    Tags: Christianity, Natural Disasters, Pat Robertson, Religion, Weather


About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.