Two Republicans are duking it out in the Kane County, Illinois primary for county coroner, both hoping for the chance to take on incumbent Democrat Tao Martinez. Who knew being a coroner falls along party lines? We demand Grover Cleveland's death certificate! Death is nature, not nurture!
Like so many races, the Chicago suburb's coroner primary has come down to the acceptance of lifestyle choices. On one side is Dr. Bob Tiballi, who is trying to lock down support from his core, breathing base by coming out strongly against death. "I hate death. I hate everything about death," says Dr. Bob, a possibly divisive stance considering dead Chicagoans' strong record of voter turnout.
Dr. Bob's opponent is Rob Russell, who is taking a big-tent approach by embracing the circumstances of his constituents. ALL of his constituents. "I don't hate death. I respect it. It's part of life," Russell says, speaking for the truly silent majority.
It remains to be seen whose perspective will resonate with Kane County voters, but one thing's for certain: Dr. Bob is the only doctor in this race. He's also a firebrand fit for the national stage — his campaign has already accused Kane County's Republican establishment of trying to push him out of the race by using "dirty tricks." Let's not pursue that any further, because thinking about the dirty tricks of coroners is the stuff of daymares.
And yet, fun fact here, in many towns, coroners don't actually perform autopsies. They leave that messy task to the pathologists. If television has taught us anything, this gives the coroner plenty of free time to come up with zingy one-liners, like "Apparently this ballerina took a swan dive," or "I guess somebody ordered this baker into dozens," or "This is file number 045122. Cause of death is myocardial infarction. No evidence of foul play." Run in peace, Dr. Bob!
Photo via DrBob4Kane.com.
Previously: John Lackey, "Lackey, not a lackey."
Our friends at Dr Pepper are going to send Dr. Tiballi a one-of-a-kind t-shirt, and you get to choose its slogan:
Want a custom t-shirt of your own? Of course you do! Head to DrPepper.com and get started.
Tags: Illinois, One of a Kind Candidates