• What Is Sarah Palin's Endorsement Worth?

    Sarah Palin

    In a conference call this morning, Karl Rove used some of his special secret math to calculate the value of Sarah Palin lending her support to Newt Gingrich and concluded that it "demonstrated that endorsements don't mean snot," which, quite frankly, we found to be a bit vague.

    So, we pulled out our own special secret calculators and did our best to figure out a more specific means of placing a value on the partial-term governor's endorsement…

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    1. A one gallon jug of snot

    Okay, you can't really say that  something not worth an undetermined amount of snot. That doesn't make any sense. Clearly, snot has to have some value, even if it's incredibly low. Nobody's just going to give you a dump truck full of snot. It costs money to store and to ship. And there's the production cost. Snot doesn't just come from nowhere. You need to provide food stuffs so that a body can create it.

    Anyway, all that said, we determined that Gov. Palin's endorsement is valued at a one gallon jug full nearly to the brim with human snot.

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    2. One bucket of rotting fish

    Laugh all you like, but padaek –  a traditional Laotian condiment made from fermented fish — is considered quite the delicacy in certain culinary circles. You can do a lot worse than trade Gov. Palin's endorsement for a bucket of this stuff.

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    3. One Newt Gingrich candidacy

    For our purposes here, we should probably ignore all of Gingrich's own attempts to value himself at $2.50 in gasoline. He seems to be undervaluing himself by quite a bit. He's worth at least a full tank in caloric value alone.

    That said, what we're doing here is weighing the possibility of a Gingrich presidential campaign yielding a full presidential term. And we have determined that it is, for all intents and purposes, exactly proportional to the possibility of a Palin endorsement yielding a presidential term. We're talking down to fractions of fractions of percentages.

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    4. One pallet of remaindered copies of Sarah Palin's autobiography, Going Rogue

    Hey, this was a big seller back in the day. Unfortunately, almost all books degrade in value over time, as their readership reaches a critical mass. They might be selling for under a dollar on Amazon right now, but you get a lot of books on a pallet. And, if you were smart, you could easily sell them for $5 a pop. (Oh, these are unsigned, by the way, so they're in mint condition.)

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    5. Karl Rove's opinion about pretty much anything

    3.5 units of Karl Rove's opinion, to be precise.

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    Related: What Is in Rush Limbaugh's Heart?

    Photo by Roberto Gonzalez/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Karl Rove, Newt Gingrich, Primaries, Republicans, Sarah Palin

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