• Mitch McConnell Claims Weed Is Deadly (And the Obama Administration Agrees)

    The world's most powerful turtle, Senator Mitch McConnell recently stuck his neck out to explain to a constituent why he was opposed to legislation, sponsored by Ron Paul and Barney Frank, which would legalize marijuana at the federal level. McConnell's reasoning? Weed Kills

    "Because of the harm that substances like marijuana and other narcotics pose to our society, I have concerns about this legislation. The detrimental effects of drugs have been well documented: short-term memory loss, loss of core motor functions, heightened risk of lung disease, and even death," McConnell wrote.

    Everything about that statement seems accurate except for one common misspelling. I think the harmful substance McConnell described is spelled B-O-U-R-B-O-N and T-O-B-A-C-C-O, which Kentucky produces in abundance. The CDC reported 24,518 alcohol-induced deaths for the last year data was available. Cannabis-induced death doesn't exist as a statistical category, though in fairness to prohibitionists, Funyun-induced death is very much an issue considering our nation's obesity problem.

    Nevertheless, many officials agree with McConnell. The Obama administration has been aggressive in shutting down medical marijuana operations, drug arrests during Obama's first year in office were higher than they were in George Bush's first year, and federal funding for the War on Drugs has risen.

    Maybe the President, who like the two presidents before him has had experience with recreational drugs, believes that the state has to forcibly intervene lest young people be led down the same path he's traveled. If only Barack Obama's youth included an arrest record instead of benign neglect, he wouldn't have to deal with people like Mitch McConnell today. He's just protecting Americans from the outrageous stress that an arrest-free youth can bring in successful adulthood.

    It's compelling logic, especially if you don't wait around for legalization while trying to follow it.


    Related: Pat Robertson, Pothead

    Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Barack Obama, Barney Frank, Drugs, Marijuana, Mitch McConnell, Ron Paul


About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.