• Will the Real Mitt Romney Please Stand Up

    Hugh Atkin — the guy who brought us Hillary Clinton singing "I'm F*cking Obama" four years ago — brings us the political hip-hop song parody of the 2012 Republican primary season…

    For everyone — like me — whose main question after watching that was: How and when did Mitt Romney manage to squeeze the word "masturbating" into a TV interview?, I'm happy-slash-sad to report that he's actually saying "mass debating." I suppose that makes more sense, right? I mean, he's not Rick Santorum.

    You can take a look at the complete masturbation-free lyrics after the jump.

    Can I have your attention please.
    Can I have your attention please.
    Will the real Mitt Romney please stand up.
    I repeat. Will the real Mitt Romney please stand up.
    We're gonna have a problem here.
    Y'all act like you haven't seen a Mormon before.
    Jaws down on the floor.
    I'm not concerned about the very poor.
    Got it wrong. Sorry. That's not what I meant.
    I want every American to be in the top one percent.
    I'm really named Willard. That's my first name.
    I'm not looking for a colony on the moon. Just for someone to blame.
    I like being able to fire people.
    "I'm Newt Gingrich." You're fired.
    "I'm Rick Santorum and I'm…." Fired
    Boom. Boom. Boom.
    "Conservative women love Mitt Romney." And I love cars and I love lakes.
    I'm running or office for Pete's sake.
    With regards to abortion. Pro-life? Pro-choice?
    I firmly believe in my own singing voice.

    For purple mountains' majesty, above the fruited plain.
    "Where were we at John?"

    Uh… with regards to abortion… uh….
    You can choose your own adventure.
    It's a Republican dementia.
    And I'm more concerned about the banks: they're unable to lend.
    Corporations are people my friend.
    My dog is on the roof. My dog is on the roof.
    Who let the dogs out? Who? Who?
    Understand I'm an exception. The Obama contraception.
    Not a vulture, I'm an eagle.
    Look I'm gonna get my lawn cut by illegals.
    There will be an influx. Hispanic voters in trucks.
    Look, if you don't believe, I'll tell you what, ten thousand bucks?
    Well, I made a lot of money matter of factually.
    I drive a couple of Cadillacs actually.
    I have emotion and passion. That's a joke for the record.
    But if you want the soul of America restored,
    Come on board. Take your fair share and every
    Mormon wave your underwear.
    Sing the chorus, papa bear.

    I'm Mitt Romney. Yes, I'm the real Romney.
    All the other Mitt Romneys are just mass debating.
    So would the real Mitt Romney please stand up, please stand up, please stand up.

    I'm Mitt Romney. Yes, I'm the real Romney.
    All the other Mitt Romneys are just mass debating.
    So would the real Mitt Romney please stand up, please stand up, please stand up.


    Tags: Mitt Romney, Music, Primaries, Republicans

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