Yesterday afternoon, Herman Cain's dating website/message response team Cain Connections sent a very exciting email to all the people lucky enough to have signed up for its mailing list: news of a "viral video" answer to President Obama's 17-minute self-congratulatory ode to himself.
And it was supposedly coming out today! What's the real American word for "Squeeeee!!!"?
All week we've shared with you that our team is producing a viral video response to Hollywood's 17-minute "documentary" depicting Barack Obama as a president worthy of re-election. We need to expose the lies in the video, and we plan to do just that. Our video response will show the American people exactly what we're dealing with in the White House — a failed leader who has put America on the wrong path.
We will be releasing our video response on Monday, and as a friend and supporter you will be one of the first to see it.
So many questions galloped through our heads: What would it be like? How could they know in advance that it would go viral? Would be in keeping with their cruelty to animals theme of late? Would Herman Cain deign us with a smile? We'd all know soon enough!
And then — after a sleepless night of anticipation for whatever fresh magic the Cain team has been concocting – we run to our inbox like it's Christmas morning only to find that the Grinch has stolen our stocking full of agitprop…
** A small oops! **
We sent notice through email saying we would be releasing our video response to "The Road We've Traveled” (the Hollywood produced 17-minute "documentary" on re-electing President Obama), on Monday, March 26 (which is tomorrow for many of you reading this).
Sorry for the confusion, but the video coming out Monday, (March 26) will actually be our next "sick of stimulus" production (which we think you'll enjoy greatly) and not the documentary response.
Goddamnit! You cannot play with people's emotions like this, Herman Cain! This is even worse than that time you presented yourself as the greatest presidential candidate since Ross Perot and then dropped out of the race all of a sudden like Ross Perot, but without then re-entering the race like Ross Perot.
All I can really say at this moment is that this so-called "sick of stimulus" lump of coal you've left us with had better be good. I mean, it better be shooting rabbits out of a catapult and gunning them down in mid-air good, if you know what I mean…
Herman Cain, why do I ever doubt you? Let's never fight again.
Photo by Davis Turner/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Animals, Barack Obama, Herman Cain