Ask Rick Santorum: Saddle Up with Polka Dots

Do you have problems? Former U.S. Senator and current presidential hopeful Rick Santorum has solutions! 

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Dear Rick Santorum,
I've been dating my boyfriend for four years. Our relationship was great at first — we have a lot in common, and I thought he might be The One — but now I'm not so sure. For the past year or so he's been spending all his free time with his buddies from work, and if I try to make plans for us, he tells me he can't let them down. Uh, I guess it's okay to let me down? I don't think he's cheating, but he gets angry if I ask him where he's going, and I'm starting to think he's just terrified of commitment. We can't even discuss the situation because every time I mention it he refuses to talk. I feel like we've grown so far apart that I can't salvage our relationship, but at the same time I'm terrified of a breakup. Help? - Lonelygirl16

Dear Lonelygirl16,
You know in your gut big things are adrift. Saddle up, like Reagan did in the cowboy movies. - Rick Santorum

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Dear Rick Santorum,
My college roommate is getting married this summer, and she asked me to be in the wedding. I'm happy for her, but there's a problem: I have to buy a dress that she chose, without any input from me or the other bridesmaids, and I just found out it costs $650. And there's no way I'll ever wear it again — it's pale pink with big fuschia dots all over the skirt. She told me it’s "on trend." I say it's an insult to our friendship. Who’s right? - Maid in Horror

Dear Maid in Horror,
Dots have gone out of style. They’re passé. - Rick Santorum

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Dear Rick Santorum,
When I was sick for a few weeks last year, I let my sister drive my car because it gets better gas mileage than her truck. Now, I want to borrow her truck for a week, just one single week, to go camping and she's refusing. I call B.S. Am I in the right here? - Carfused 

Dear Carfused,
When you compare those, it's not apples to apples. - Rick Santorum 

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Dear Rick Santorum,
People tell me I'm difficult to work with. The staff at design firm I work at have gone over my head a number of times to complain to my boss about my decision-making. They say my choices are reckless and my opinions are needlessly contrarian and baseless. I say I'm speaking and acting from my gut. My boss tells me I should take their criticisms to heart, but I feel it's best to be true to myself. What do you think? - Louis M.

Dear Louis M.,
Look at what I've done in my private life and personal life, unfortunately… I have done that. I've done that throughout the course of this campaign… It is an abject disaster… I should get out of the race. These are not cogent thoughts. - Rick Santorum

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Send your questions to Rick Santorum at indecision@comedycentral.com, subject line: Ask Rick Santorum.

See last week's Ask Rick Santorum for more no-nonsense wisdorum.

Tags: Ask Rick Santorum, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Santorum