If you are a surfer/video blogger from Malibu, California, you are constitutionally obligated to be named Hamish Patterson. Look it up, it's right there in the Constitution. It's literally the only thing in our Constitution. Have you read the Constitution?
Hamish Patterson is a righteous surfer dude – and other words I don't know how to use, because I'm from the East Coast – and he's running for city council in Malibu. This series is supposed to feature candidates who aren't famous, but Patterson is already something of a web celebrity, posting videos about surfing, skating and vibrating at the high frequency. Now that he's running for office, his videos have morphed into reviews of city council minutes, which, oddly, are just as compelling as the videos of him draining a pool.
As for his political positions, well, let's just say that Patterson is ripping mad kahunas over his local goofyfoots [Ed. note: ? Sorry, I'm also from the East Coast]. Patterson drew loud applause at a recent debate with this heartfelt plea for political accountability and transparency in Malibu politics: "Everybody in this community and in this room needs to show up at City Hall and just stare at these people. Just stare at them."
That's some Jedi-mind-trick political activism right there. At this point, most political protest involves incoherent screaming and even more incoherent signs scrawled on cardboard, so legislators would be stunned if people showed up and just stared at them. Can we make this a new national hobby? Everybody flood their city council meetings, and we'll just stare, all for fun and civic engagement. It'll be like planking, except for not being the worst thing.
Also, Patterson goes by the nickname The Illusion, which probably goes without saying.
Photo via Hamish Patterson's Facebook page
Previously: Scott Ready, "Ready or Scott."
Our friends at Dr Pepper are going to send Mr. Patterson a one-of-a-kind t-shirt, and you get to choose its slogan:
Want a custom t-shirt of your own? Of course you do! Head to DrPepper.com and get started.
Tags: California, One of a Kind Candidates