• Mitt Romney Will Win Nomination Barring Alien Invasion

    After a campaign filled with ups (winning primaries in states that have people in them) and downs (losing a few caucuses and Confederate states), Mitt Romney is going to be the Republican nominee for president. That's a sentence that could have been written two years ago, but with victories in Wisconsin, Maryland and the District of Columbia, Romney now has the primary locked down tighter than the factory gates at a plant bought by Bain Capital…

    With his campaign increasingly focused on President Obama and the general election, the former Massachusetts governor's victories in Maryland and the District were never in doubt. He won both by crushing margins. In Wisconsin, where Romney and Santorum devoted most of their energies, the margin was narrower but nonetheless decisive.

    With Tuesday's primaries behind them, the candidates now look ahead to April 24, when Pennsylvania and four other states hold their primaries. Santorum, a former senator from Pennsylvania, can ill-afford to lose his home state and has keyed the future of his campaign to success there.

    Recent polls even have Romney gaining ground in Pennsylvania, where he now trails Santorum by only 6%. Given those kinds of numbers, the  Wonkbook reports that if Romney "isn't the Republican nominee, the reason why will be something like 'asteroid,' not 'Santorum,'" which is a fair analysis but understates the similarities between a Santorum victory and a sweet meteor of death raining catastrophic hellfire upon the Earth.

    More accurately, if Romney isn't the Republican nominee, the reason will be something like "alien invasion," not "Santorum." At least those two scenarios can be distinguished from one another. It's not like anyone other than fictitious alien abductors have any interest in molesting Earth women with invasive transvaginal probes…right?

    .

    Related: The Daily Show on the GOP's Unenthusiastic Acceptance of Romney

    Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Maryland, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Polls, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Washington DC, Wisconsin

comments

About Us

Comedy Central's Indecision is the network's digital hub for news, politics and other jokes: we're here, we're everywhere. We're not affiliated with any television show. We're affiliated with ourselves.