• Ask Rick Santorum: Closing the Deal

    Do you have problems? Former U.S. Senator and current presidential hopeful Rick Santorum has solutions!

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    Dear Rick Santorum,
    My boyfriend and I have been dating for several years now, and he is still yet to pop the big question. And I can't figure out why! It's definitely not an issue of him having a problem with my family, because he gets along with them great! In fact, he and my sister are kind of best friends. They'll even sometimes go on camping trips together. Or go on weekend hikes through the mountains. I never go because I'm not much of an outdoorsy person. Could that be my problem? Do you think he might be upset that I don't share more of his hobbies? - Frustrated in Freemont

    Dear  Frustrated in Freemont,
    That's one of the reasons you are not seeing him close the deal. - Rick Santorum

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    Dear Rick Santorum,
    Summer's on its way, and I'm trying to get in shape. Get healthy? Whatever, do something that isn't just staring at screens and drinking beer, which has been my regimen for the past several years. I started watching what I eat and joined a gym that gave me a free session with a trainer- she got me hooked on spinning classes, which it turns out are f-ing hard and sorta fun. Here's the problem: My best buddy A. is still in couch potato mode. All he wants to do is watch TV, eat junk, crush a six-pack. We haven't been spending much time together since I started this working-out-and-eating-better thing. There's no way he'll join me at the gym, don't even suggest that. What should I do? I miss the fun times I had with A., but I don't want to backslide into his world of beer-gut and wing-grease. What should I do? - Pedal-Pushin' Pete

    Dear Pedal-Pushin' Pete,
    Keep spinning. - Rick Santorum

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    Dear Rick Santorum,
    I'm having some problems figuring out out the taxonomical line for primates. Like, when exactly does a species cease to be an ape and become a full-fledged human. Do you know of any easy methods for determining that?  - Blinded by Science

    Dear Blinded by Science,
    They would have to speak English. That would be a requirement. - Rick Santorum 

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    Send your questions to Rick Santorum at indecision@comedycentral.com, subject line: Ask Rick Santorum.

    See last week's Ask Rick Santorum for more no-nonsense wisdorum.


    Tags: Ask Rick Santorum, Rick Santorum

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